I started scribbling on my blog (nmjs.in titled Mizhi) at the onset of Covid 19. It was never meant to be a daily affair. I wrote now and then whenever a random thought struck me. Writing is healing for me. And I was finding my medicine. Never did I anticipate that a year later I will be looking within and re-checking with myself, if I should maintain the site for another year. I spent a few moments yesterday contemplating on the different turns life took in 2020., for myself, for my friends, family and the world at large. The hot air rushed in through the window, slightly ruffling the curtains. The chimes did not jingle at all. I sat frozen after I received the sad news that a dear little one in our family had succumbed to Covid. I must admit that I felt many emotions seeping in- anger, pity, sorrow, apathy. Through all the sicknesses and surge in the number of deaths across our land, with masks on our faces, sanitizer in one hand, gloves on our palms, drinking warm water, gargling salt water, inhaling turmeric steam, safe social distancing, vaccination drive, exercises, healthy lifestyle and what not! we are still wading in the pandemic waters. 2020 seems not to be the only year, as many of us had expected; but it was just a spark which ignited a forest fire, which no one knows will recede when!
If there was one thing which I have never stopped doing all over the years it is reading. Through wind, sun and rain, I keep my eyes glued to the printed words. After a few teary minutes, I hauled myself to my book shelf and pulled out a couple of books. I read those one after the other, for an hour. Though a few sentences unfriended me, many of those did embrace me warmly. I would like to share a few of those lines here:
Reconciliation with the body can take many forms; it is not necessarily evasive or rationalistic to say that healing may also be about reconciliation with or in a body that is not going to ‘get better’ physically in the straightforward sense. There are reconciliations and liberations that will happen within a situation which, physically, may not change much- which is what so many learn through ministry with the terminally ill, or with those who live with long-standing, continuing disabilities. We know that there maybe a healing in such circumstances that has to do with a new capacity to inhabit the body, a freedom within a body which maybe dying, mortal, limited, afflicted, in all kinds of ways. .. Because we have intelligence and love and imagination, our living in our environment is an evolving story, not just a given fact. (Rowan Williams)
…the day the desert tree blossoms/is the feasting day for the fowls of the air/ The evil fowls and the good fowls/The owner of the earth covers them in his cloth/promised them/when he holds the promise/Thirst shall not kill them/so the world changes/rain comes after the drought/the yam festival after the sewing time./ Do not lose heart,/have arms, we have shields ( Kofi Awoonor)
At night I received a text message from the grieving father- My angel is in the safest abode.
Then I knew, no matter what, Life has won, and will! Trust, hope, love. These are the impossible, but the necessities of the hour.